Today is exactly one week from our due date. We have fun things happening in the next few days.... Matt has a few photo shoots that he has REALLY been looking forward to, My mom arrives this weekend, and we are (finally) beginning to feel more ready for this little guy. Most of the things that I have been rushing to finish (or worried that I wouldn't get to) are already done or on my last short list of things that only take a few minutes each. (yes!!!)
My last short list has things on it like:
vacuum
mop floor
De-Hair sofa (:-) (we own lots of hairy little furry things.)
(These are mostly things that it would be lovely to get finished, but that can easily be done in a few minutes even after the baby arrives).
As we barrel towards "due date" and I approach these last few things to do, I have been thinking alot about the BIG last in our lives.... our last days as a family of 3. It's wonderful to know that we are having another little boy, a brother, a son. I hope that Joey will soon be meeting his best friend. I can't believe I will have another baby soon, another little baby and I am so looking forward to all of those little baby things that have slowly faded away with Joey (babbles that don't mean anything, discoveries of little hands and feet, big smiles with only gums, tiny clothes, a child that can sleep in my arms).
At the same time, it's hard to think about having "another" baby. I have a baby. He sleeps in a crib, with a pacifier, wears diapers and doesn't talk too much. He thinks his Daddy and Mommy and "Bow Wow" and "mrow mrow" (like "meow meow") are the world, and to him we have been his world, and he has been ours for almost 2 years. I have a baby.... so how can our lives expand, and how can my heart expand enough to make room for this one without pushing a little bit of my Joey out? How could I possibly love any other thing the way I love him? I don't know. I know it happens because people have more kids and because they want to, and because everyone says you feel that way and you wonder how you will love them as much but then suddenly you just.....do. You just do. I know that is true.
I know. It's still so hard though to look at my baby now, and to know that this is our last time as a family of 3, that these are our last days and our last memories....the last few things that in a retelling a few years later we will tell our second son "that was before you were born, when it was just Mommy and Daddy and Josiah.". It's hard to know too that Joey won't remember this time. It's hard not to feel like something is being taken from him.
I don't want to sound gloomy. We are thrilled. I can't wait. I wish my due date was tomorrow and that I could meet this wiggly little boy right now. There is so much that I am looking forward to that I can't even think straight sometimes...... but there is something that is so wonderful and amazing in the present that I wish I could hold onto it somehow, but somehow move forward as a family too. Is that so strange, to want things to grow and change, and want things to stay exactly the same at the same time?
Whew, I hope that's not all too heavy for the blogsphere. I'll have to promise to make my next post really lighthearted ;-) to make up for being so serious. But I will take one more serious moment and ask for your prayers and blessings over our family.... that we may enjoy each other, and enjoy our first little boy as much as possible before and after the birth of his little brother. Prayers for a smooth actual birth and also that it may be the birth of a lifelong friendship.
I look forward to announcing news of our new little baby in the coming days (or weeks)and sharing that joy with all of you... but for now, here are some (much much!) overdue pictures from our last (20 wk. sonogram).
Psalm 136:1-6
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who alone does great wonders,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who by understanding made the heavens,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who spread out the earth above the waters,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who made the great lights,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
the sun to rule over the day,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
the moon and stars to rule over the night,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."
May we be constantly amazed that God has blessed us with such a great privilege.