Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thoughts on Two

Today is exactly one week from our due date.  We have fun things happening in the next few days.... Matt has a few photo shoots that he has REALLY been looking forward to, My mom arrives this weekend, and we are (finally) beginning to feel more ready for this little guy.  Most of the things that I have been rushing to finish (or worried that I wouldn't get to) are already done or on my last short list of things that only take a few minutes each.  (yes!!!)

My last short list has things on it like:

mop floor
De-Hair sofa (:-)  (we own lots of hairy little furry things.)
(These are mostly things that it would be lovely to get finished, but that can easily be done in a few minutes even after the baby arrives). 

As we barrel towards "due date" and I approach these last few things to do, I have been thinking alot about the BIG last in our lives.... our last days as a family of 3.  It's wonderful to know that we are having another little boy, a brother, a son.  I hope that Joey will soon be meeting his best friend.  I can't believe I will have another baby soon, another little baby and I am so looking forward to all of those little baby things that have slowly faded away with Joey (babbles that don't mean anything, discoveries of little hands and feet, big smiles with only gums, tiny clothes, a child that can sleep in my arms).  

At the same time, it's hard to think about having "another" baby.  I have a baby.  He sleeps in a crib, with a pacifier, wears diapers and doesn't talk too much.  He thinks his Daddy and Mommy and "Bow Wow" and "mrow mrow" (like "meow meow") are the world, and to him we have been his world, and he has been ours for almost 2 years.  I have a baby.... so how can our lives expand, and how can my heart expand enough to make room for this one without pushing a little bit of my Joey out?  How could I possibly love any other thing the way I love him?  I don't know.  I know it happens because people have more kids and because they want to, and because everyone says you feel that way and you wonder how you will love them as much but then suddenly you  You just do.  I know that is true.  

I know.  It's still so hard though to look at my baby now, and to know that this is our last time as a family of 3, that these are our last days and our last memories....the last few things that in a retelling a few years later we will tell our second son "that was before you were born, when it was just Mommy and Daddy and Josiah.".  It's hard to know too that Joey won't remember this time.  It's hard not to feel like something is being taken from him.  

I don't want to sound gloomy.  We are thrilled.  I can't wait.  I wish my due date was tomorrow and that I could meet this wiggly little boy right now.  There is so much that I am looking forward to that I can't even think straight sometimes...... but there is something that is so wonderful and amazing in the present that I wish I could hold onto it somehow, but somehow move forward as a family too.  Is that so strange, to want things to grow and change, and want things to stay exactly the same at the same time?  

Whew, I hope that's not all too heavy for the blogsphere.  I'll have to promise to make my next post really lighthearted ;-)  to make up for being so serious.  But I will take one more serious moment and ask for your prayers and blessings over our family.... that we may enjoy each other, and enjoy our first little boy as much as possible before and after the birth of his little brother.  Prayers for a smooth actual birth and also that it may be the birth of a lifelong friendship.  

I look forward to announcing news of our new little baby in the coming days (or weeks)and sharing that joy with all of you... but for now, here are some (much much!) overdue pictures from our last (20 wk. sonogram).  

Psalm 136:1-6
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who alone does great wonders,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who by understanding made the heavens,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who spread out the earth above the waters,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who made the great lights,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
the sun to rule over the day,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
the moon and stars to rule over the night,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

May we be constantly amazed that God has blessed us with such a great privilege.


The Liebers said...

You made me cry, Laurie. I am remembering when we added to our family of three. It was two years ago Monday. In my case, it was really hard. I really missed Frances while I was in the hospital and I henstly didn't care for Henry all that much. I am not proud to say it, but I feel like it's important for other Moms to know that they are not alone with things like that. I pray that you will have an amazing birth experience and that your new family of four will get off to a great start. Can't wait to hear the news!!

Herb of Grace said...

Oh boy! The countdown has begun...

Believe it or not, there are even MORE wonderful things about having two than you mentioned :) And Joey will never miss being the only one. He'll be soooo happy to have a playmate and companion and they'll love each other so much you'll wonder how he survived so long without his little brother :)

Whenever I wonder about Sofi missing all the attention of being an only, I remember the sight of her sitting all alone in the sandbox in the backyard talking to herself and swinging by herself and having only Mommy to Play Tents with. It was so darn sad, it used to make me cry.

Susannah Forshey said...

Aw, man, I hear ya. I am one conflicted lady these days, with so much change swirling around us, not a day goes by that I don't feel those pangs of the "good times" slipping away, whether it's the Violet & Mommy days, or the "3 of us" days or the Mother of One days. I do wish everything would stay as it was at those heavenly times....but at the same time a little excited about what's coming up next, thinking about planning for a second child, and moving to a new place. It's just Heaven planted in us, I guess. We're all looking for the perfect moment to last forever. One day it will. :)

The Sinks said...

Oh Laurie, I'm crying now! It wasn't that long ago that I felt exactly the same way. And I will never forget the night that I was in labor, rocking Kathryn to sleep one last time as my "only" child. I cried and cried. But Joey's life will be so richly blessed with this little one. You are in fact adding to his life, and not taking away at all. Even in the times in the coming days and weeks when it will seem like you have totally turned his world upside down, and you will feel guilty about it, just remember that his Father knows exactly what he needs, and has and will provide it for him. He has provided you and Matt as his parents, Mocha and Ziggy as his pets (are there other pets?), etc. I am saying a prayer for you right now as you go through all these end-of-pregnancy emotions. Soon, you'll have an eight month old, and you'll wonder where the time has gone! :)

Daniel and Kimberly Jordan said...

Laurie--thanks for your honesty and sharing...I'm definitely going through VERY similar emotions as we're nearing the end (i guess perhaps the beginning) as well!! I'll be praying for you as well whenever i find myself in need of prayer for the same things...

The Nolls said...

Ohhhhh, I am crying too!! I remember this time well and the EXACT feelings you described... anticipation but also a very real mourning of a beautiful stage of life coming to an end. I think back on it and just want to shout out the faithfulness of our God, that he is the one who builds our families and he does all things well. For me, falling in love with Martha was instant (at first, maybe, because she looked SO MUCH like Noa :) but I couldn't have even imagined the immense joy of watching her big sister fall in love with her and that sweet friendship take shape these last 15 months. I can't imagine one without the other and, especially as our lives change so much, I love knowing that they have each other as we drag them all over the world.
I know exactly how you are feeling, and I am praying for you that these last days/weeks would truly be precious. I am also beyond excited for you and your family as you begin this new chapter. YOU WILL LOVE IT!
Can't wait to hear the the news!